overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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