Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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