if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
