i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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