NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
