She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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