Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
