turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
