literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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