So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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