The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
