So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
