DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
