well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
