Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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