you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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