Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
