All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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