Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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