I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
