I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
