dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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