are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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