OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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