Swine flu. Run for my life!
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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