I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
