Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have aggressive nipples.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
