Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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