ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
