hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
this hospital has no fireball
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
