You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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