Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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