Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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