I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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