dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
