Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
