Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Randomize
