I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
