I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
