I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
