It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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