I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
