I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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