i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Help. Why am I so naked?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
