I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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