dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
