anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
