I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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