that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
he had hair everywhere except his balls
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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