He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
